Me, Ted, The Midlife Crisis Cookbook and the wee little donkey

Plus not much else...

NOW THEN, FELLA: How I would surely look were I to be played by Adrian Dunbar in the Steve McQueen-directed biopic of me writing my new book.

Hello there,

Don’t worry – the newsletter is still on its increasingly extended Spring break, so I won’t keep you long.

But I feel obliged to inform you that my new novel, The Midlife Crisis Cookbook, is published today. Furthermore I urge you to not only buy a copy for yourself, but multiple copies for all of your extended family, your friends, enemies, and complete strangers, instructing them to give it a five-star review on Amazon, thereby encouraging more people to buy it.

One of these people could be Steven Spielberg, who, after reading it, will surely decide to make a blockbuster movie adaptation, scripted by Phoebe Waller-Bridge and starring Brad Pitt. (Alternatively, the auteur Steve McQueen may choose to make a gritty biopic of the author’s inner struggles to write the novel, scripted by Jed Mercurio and starring Adrian Dunbar as me).

Either version will do. Although of course the best outcome is that, on the strength of my muscular prose and waspish wit, Elon Musk decides to pay me a billion dollars to ghost-write his autobiography.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

For now, the book is available to order from all good bookstores. Well, Waterstones. Or Barnes & Noble, if you’re American.

It’s also available in paperback and Kindle versions from Amazon. Click here to be taken to the relevant page.

I hope you buy it, but more importantly I really hope you like it. It’s a bit of a departure from the blood and guts crime thriller stuff I’ve written before – but when you run out of inventive ways to kill people, you have to diversify.

And if you need any further persuasion, my mum thinks it’s great.

Have a sunny weekend and I’ll see you soon.